-Verse 1-

Come to our convention, you belong with people
Accepting all attendees, all welcome and equal
The internets dankest, there will be thousands in number
Dash to Dascon, first convention from Tumblr

Windy city in the Garden ushers you in
Day one, starts at 1, but it’s nine AM
Talk with friends in line, no need to get surly
Surely more will show up, it is a bit early

-Chorus-

Steam Powered Giraffe will not be playing
No refunds for what you’re paying
We need more cash while we’re delaying
No refunds for what you’re paying
Say goodbye to Nightvale they’re not staying
No refunds for what you’re paying
The sing-a-long silenced, now dismaying
No refunds for what you’re paying

-Verse 2-

Nightmare day two, call it extortion
There are worse things, like testicular tortion
May not have everything, we have a quarter portion
Perhaps we’re less shire, a bit more dwarven

Here’s Pacific Rim, let the robots distract you
We’re adjusting our policy online, you’ll see that soon
They decided to walk, hardly our fault
An extra hour of ball pit, will that dilute your salt?

The vendors abandoned you, and us, I fear
This is chaos, bad luck, an accident, or is it dear
Perhaps it churns and is now becoming clear
That after cash and ask and cash, you’re still here

We knew you wouldn’t leave, you’re committed
Though we traded room for kiddie pool filled with balls pitted
Against you, the truth, though you try to deny
Check the site again, no matter how much you click, refund denied

-Chorus-

Steam Powered Giraffe will not be playing
No refunds for what you’re paying
We need more cash while we’re delaying
No refunds for what you’re paying
Say goodbye to Nightvale they’re not staying
No refunds for what you’re paying
The sing-a-long silenced, now dismaying
No refunds for what you’re paying

-Verse 3-

Day 3, you peed in the pool
So it’s gone, are you happy, no kiddie pool for you
Your demands for an explanation will not be refused
Let our organization evade and diffuse

Our tale is legendary, obituated by historians
Wish you could change the past, but you’ve no Delorian
Recorded and kept in a vault, we’ve thrown away the key
No one will ever see the D V D

-Chorus-

Steam Powered Giraffe will not be playing
No refunds for what you’re paying
We need more cash while we’re delaying
No refunds for what you’re paying
Say goodbye to Nightvale they’re not staying
No refunds for what you’re paying
The sing-a-long silenced, now dismaying
No refunds for what you’re paying